I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
