Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
