He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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