I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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