I accidentally had phone sex last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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