I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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