God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize