I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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