dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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