we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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