she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are the jesus of drinking
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
