well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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