I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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