Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
