You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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