i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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