...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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