I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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