They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My ass is underappreciated
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
