I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
