he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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