I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
