Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
