how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
