I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
