Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
