I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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