Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
