6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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