I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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