I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
