Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
