I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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