Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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