mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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