it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
