i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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