Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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