Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
