I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
