We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
