we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
