i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
