; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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