It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
