Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
