new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
