i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
