Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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