I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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