sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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