Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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