next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
