well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize