is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
