thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
