i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
