I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
