He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
