I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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