quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
