I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love having hate sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
